For anyone trying to navigate a major midlife change,
being consistent can feel like you're trying to nail jelly to a wall.
You grasp it, feel the brief victory, and then… slip. It slides right through your fingers, leaving you with frustration and exhaustion.
Seriously, picture it: You stand at a wall, nail gun in hand, repeatedly trying to secure that impossible jelly. You scoop, you nail, it slides. How long before you feel like just throwing your hands up, collapsing, and unleashing a full-blown toddler tantrum? Who wouldn't feel that way?
You’re tired. You’re frustrated. You feel like you’re losing it.
This is the reality of trying to master habits, routines, and consistency when life throws you a curveball. Maybe it’s a physical injury, a chronic illness forcing you to rethink your daily life. Maybe it’s isolation from a sudden loss and the terrifying prospect of rejoining the world. Or maybe it’s the frustration of starting healthy eating, only to find exercise an insurmountable mountain.
Midlife transitions are challenging, even at their best. Navigating existing changes and implementing new coping mechanisms is exhausting. You might even start to believe that consistency is simply beyond you. That you’re not built for this.
But here’s the truth, and I need you to really hear this:
You are built for this.
You’re simply navigating uncharted waters, adapting, rebuilding, finding your footing in a shifting landscape. You can learn to lean into these changes, working with yourself, not against yourself, on a solid foundation.And in this post, you will learn how to build that foundation. To cut through the noise, and to find the practical strategies that will allow you to build unshakeable consistency. You will learn how to discover your intrinsic motivation, overcome perfectionism, and set goals that align with your deepest desires. You will walk away feeling empowered and hopeful, ready to reclaim control of your habits and create lasting positive change. So, let’s start building your consistent future.
Overcoming the 'Shoulds' and Discovering Your Intrinsic 'Why'
Why are we so often stuck in a cycle of "shoulds"?
Those nagging, external voices that dictate our actions, yet leave us feeling empty and unmotivated? It's because they're not our "why." They're someone else's reason, a borrowed script that disconnects us from our core desires. Think about it: 'I should exercise because my doctor said so' versus 'I exercise because I want to have energy to enjoy my travel adventures.' One is a chore, a burden, the other, a connection to something deeply meaningful to you.
Uncover Your Intrinsic Motivation Through Values Exploration
To find your true 'why,' start by asking 'why' repeatedly. Dig deeper than surface-
level answers. Why do you want to exercise? To lose weight? Why? To feel healthier? Why? To have more energy for your family? Ah, there's a glimpse of your 'why.'
level answers. Why do you want to exercise? To lose weight? Why? To feel healthier? Why? To have more energy for your family? Ah, there's a glimpse of your 'why.'If the 'why' game gets frustrating (quietly raising my hand 🙋♀️), switch it up: 'What's important to me about [ex: losing weight]?' This connects your reasoning to core values—family, health, joy. For example, if your family is very important to you, then you might begin to realize that you want to be more healthy, so you can have more time with them or spend more quality time with them.
✨This connection to your values transforms a 'should' into a 'want,' fueling consistency from within.✨
Discover Your 'Why' Through Life Satisfaction and Fulfillment
✨Not every tool works for everyone.
If values exploration isn't clicking, shift your focus to life satisfaction.✨
What aspects of your life feel satisfying, and what aspects feel unsatisfying? Your 'why' might lie in the unsatisfying areas. What changes would bring greater fulfillment? For instance, if you're feeling disconnected from your community, your 'why' might be to build stronger connections.
Journaling can be invaluable here. Write about your current satisfaction in different life areas, brainstorm improvements, and visualize a more fulfilling life. Imagine that you are writing in your journal about how you want to build stronger connections. You could write about what that would look like, how that would make you feel.
✨Focusing on life satisfaction and fulfillment can illuminate your 'why' in a way traditional values work might not.✨
Uncover Your 'Why' Through Energetic Engagement
Another powerful way to uncover your 'why' is by paying close attention to your energy levels. Your energy is a powerful indicator of what truly matters, guiding you to activities that invigorate rather than drain.
✨Start by observing how different activities affect your energy.✨
If you're struggling to add physical activity, experiment with different types. Do you feel energized after a brisk walk in nature, or drained after a high-intensity gym workout? Do you feel motivated after a dance class, or stressed after a competitive sport? These energetic responses are clues to your authentic 'why.' For example, if a gentle yoga session leaves you centered and energized, your 'why' for exercise might be connected to stress reduction and mindfulness, not just weight loss.
✨Pairing mindfulness with journaling—reflecting on activities and their impact—can deepen your self-awareness.✨
Uncovering your 'why' is the cornerstone of building lasting consistency. But even with a clear 'why,' the path can be derailed by perfectionism. Let's explore how to break free from the trap of perfectionism and embrace progress.
Consistency vs. Perfectionism: Embracing Progress & Utilizing Tracking Tools
Are you truly inconsistent, or just… human? Let’s be honest, that ‘jelly on the wall’ feeling? That’s perfectionism, that sneaky voice whispering impossible standards in your ear. So, when a day doesn’t go perfectly, you don’t just feel disappointed; you’re ready to declare yourself a complete and utter failure. But here’s the kicker: perfection is a lie. It’s a mirage that leads to discouragement and, ultimately, giving up.
✨Consistency isn’t about being flawless; it’s about embracing the mantra, ‘Not Perfection, Always Progress.’✨
Breaking the Trap of Perfectionism and Embracing 1% Progress
Perfectionism sets an impossible bar, creating a vicious cycle of self-criticism and discouragement. One missed workout, one off-plan meal, one day of isolation, and you’re ready to throw in the towel. But consistency isn’t about perfect execution; it’s about steady, persistent progress. It’s about recognizing that setbacks are normal, not signs of failure.To break free, shift your focus from outcomes to process. Celebrate the effort, not just the results. Embrace the 1% progress mindset. One more rep, one more workout a month – it seems small, but 1% a day equals a 37% improvement in a year. Imagine you set a goal to walk 3 times a week. You miss one day, don’t throw in the towel. Instead, celebrate that you walked twice.
Utilizing Tracking Tools to Visualize Long-Term Progress
Tracking your habits objectively provides tangible evidence of progress, even when you feel like you’re not making any. Us
e a monthly habit tracker, a journal, an app, or a simple calendar. A monthly habit tracker on the wall can be a powerful visual reminder. By visualizing progress, you see patterns you’d otherwise miss.
e a monthly habit tracker, a journal, an app, or a simple calendar. A monthly habit tracker on the wall can be a powerful visual reminder. By visualizing progress, you see patterns you’d otherwise miss.✨A habit tracker isn’t about judgment; it’s about awareness.✨
Celebrate small wins – each day you show up, each step you take. These wins reinforce positive neural pathways, making habits easier over time—neuroplasticity in action. Think of it like creating a path in a forest; the more you walk it, the easier it becomes.
Schedule your habits like appointments in your planner; visually track your progress.
Combining Tracking, Journaling, and Habit Stacking
🏗️ To make tracking enjoyable and sustainable, build a system that aligns with your strengths.
- Are you visual? Use a colorful chart or app.
- Thrive on social interaction? Find an accountability buddy.
- Prefer simplicity? Use a checklist.
📝 Combine tracking with journaling: write a quick note each day about what you did and how you felt. This helps identify patterns, plus it’s a form of habit stacking.
🔗 Habit stacking links new habits to existing ones. For example, if you make coffee every morning, then do ten jumping jacks right after.
🪜 Start with tiny steps, like adding one more rep or one more workout a month.
☑️ And remember, weekly/monthly self-check-ins help you tweak habits and stay on track.
Breaking free from perfectionism and embracing progress is vital, but these wins can feel aimless without your clear, foundational 'why' driving them and without a clear direction. You can find success by addressing each of these challenges individually, but your progress will be maximized when you integrate all three. So, let’s explore how to set effective goals that align with your deepest desires, goals that are rooted in your 'why' and bolstered by consistent, tracked action.
Setting Effective Goals: AIM SMART & Building Support Systems
You've nailed that jelly to the wall - metaphorically. You're building consistency, embracing progress, and tracking your wins.
But. ✋
🛑 Stop.
What's the point? 🤷♀️
✨Without a clear direction, those wins will start to feel a little… empty.
You're running a race without a finish line.✨
That's where goal setting comes in, but not just any goal setting. Traditional SMART goals are great for business, but they often lack the emotional depth needed to navigate life's messy transitions. We need goals that speak to our hearts as much as our heads.
Understanding the Limitations of SMART Goals and Embracing AIM SMART
Traditional SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) can feel rigid and impersonal, especially during emotional and life-altering changes. They focus on external outcomes, neglecting the internal motivations that drive lasting consistency.Traditional AIM goals (Achievable, Inspiring, Motivational) tap into these motivations but lack the logical structure of SMART. No worries, because we're using a modified AIM SMART framework that combines both.
Psychology shows us that large, long-term goals often fail because we disconnect them from our present-day actions.
Let's take a traditional AIM SMART goal as an example: 'In 1 year, I will feel more energetic and confident by adding 30 minutes of brisk walking into my daily routine, losing 20 pounds, because [insert your why].' It’s a good goal. But. Is your action of walking 30 minutes today going to meet your goal of losing 20 pounds? Not exactly. Because your action is daily, your goal is yearly.
✨Your daily actions need to directly tie into daily goals.✨
My modified AIM SMART addresses this by incorporating: Acceptable Minimum, Ideal
Maximum, Manageably Achievable.
Maximum, Manageably Achievable.- Acceptable Minimum establishes the bare minimum you're willing to accept, while Ideal Maximum represents your dream outcome. This creates a range within which your Manageably Achievable goal resides.
- Yes, it’s still Specific, Measurable, and Time-bound (don't fix what isn’t broken) but it’s adjusted to Actionable, meaning breaking your goals into tiny steps that can be completed daily, and Reasonable, meaning that the goals are actually able to be accomplished.
👀👂🤿🤔
(Interested in a deeper dive into my AIM SMART framework? I'm considering doing a workshop about it. I'd love to know if you’d be interested. And what questions I could answer for you. If so, send me an email: hello@coachwithcasey.com Now back to your regularly scheduled program)
Breaking Down Goals into Manageable Steps and Building Support Systems
Large goals can be overwhelming, especially during challenging times. To counteract this overwhelm and the disconnect between large goals and small daily actions, break your goals down to the smallest daily actions. For example, to work up to 30 minutes of walking a day when you’re starting from 0, start with 15 minutes, three days a week. Assess your progress weekly and adjust accordingly.
➡️Don't be afraid to adjust your goals as life changes.
➡️Build a support system: find an accountability buddy who understands your journey.
➡️Schedule weekly or monthly self-check-ins to assess progress. Remember, goals are roadmaps, not rigid rules.
Leaning into Resistance and Utilizing Self-Reflection Tools to Adjust Goals
✨When you encounter resistance, don't just push through it. Lean into it.✨
Ask: “Why is this goal feeling so hard? Is it the goal itself, or something else?” Use your weekly/monthly check-ins, tracking data, and journaling to identify patterns. These tools help you understand the root cause of your resistance and help make necessary adjustments. For example, if you consistently skip your morning walk on stressful days, adjust your goal to include stress-reduction activities like meditation.
✨By using self-reflection, you make your goals work for you, not against you.✨
You've covered a lot of ground today. You've navigated the "shoulds", journeyed through the challenges of consistency, and established goals that align with your deepest desires. How about we wrap this up with a TL;DR summarization of the key takeaways and highlights of how these strategies can empower you to create lasting positive change? Something fast you can come back to reference when you need a refresher.
TL;DR: Consistency in Midlife
- Find Your 'Why': Ditch the 'shoulds' and discover what truly motivates you through values, satisfaction, or energy.
- Progress Over Perfection: Embrace small wins, track your progress, and use tools like journaling and habit stacking.
- AIM SMART Goals: Combine emotional depth with logical structure for effective goal setting.
- Build Support: Find accountability, reflect on resistance, and adjust as needed.
- Look for the Stars: ✨ Stars are a Casey Cue. These are your fast access to cues, hints, and actionable steps.
Remember that image of trying to nail jelly to a wall? You're not there anymore. You've traded the frustration for understanding, the despair for determination. You've armed yourself with tools and insights that will help you navigate the ever-shifting landscape of life with more confidence and grace.So, take a deep breath, embrace the imperfectly human you, and keep building.
✨Always progress, one step at a time.✨
The life you desire is waiting, and you have everything you need to create it.
To further support your progress towards consistency, I'm currently offering an additional free resource: the '3 Step Self Check-In' process. It's exclusive to my email subscribers – if you’re not already on my list, subscribe now to access this valuable complementary resource.
Until next time, take care of you and yours,
