How to Stop Your Energy From Draining When Life Changes

Overcoming brain fog and decision fatigue is easily one of the hardest parts of dealing with life transitions.

When you try to handle life changes without adapting how you're managing your energy, your mind simply runs out of the fuel it needs to function properly. If you're like many of the people I talk to, then this is a very frustrating aspect of change. You are more than likely, normally, a very capable person who is used to figuring things out on your own, but lately, you are wondering why you cannot seem to make even a simple decision anymore. Choices, such as what to fix for dinner, can feel like a massive task when your head feels heavy and your focus has disappeared.

So quite simply, the reason you are struggling with brain fog and decision fatigue is because change takes energy. First, change zaps the energy you already have due to the biological reactions your brain instantly triggers, and change requires energy in order for you to be able to successfully get through it because you still have a life to live and decisions to make. Unfortunately, that means you are in a conundrum: change and your brain have taken your energy, and yet you need energy in order to choose your best way through this change and your life.

So, that's what we're going to talk about today. After our time together, you will walk away with a clear understanding of why your brain feels so heavy during seasons of change. You will see how to measure where your energy is draining from. You will also get concrete steps you can start using today to plug the drains and find your steady ground again.

In quiet seasons, your brain relies on automatic habits to get through the day. You brush your teeth, drive to the grocery store, and handle daily tasks without thinking too hard about them. Your brain likes these automatic paths because they save vital energy. When a life change happens, perhaps you are facing a career change, an empty nest, a military retirement, or a sudden loss. your normal everyday routine breaks down.

When your circumstances shift, those automatic paths vanish and your brain is forced to process every single detail manually. In my keeping it super simple way, here is how I understand and explain the brain science and math. Your prefrontal cortex (the front part of your brain) handles the high-level work, such as planning, solving problems, and controlling emotions. Under normal conditions, your brain consumes about 20% of your body's total energy, even though it makes up only 2% of your weight. When life changes hit you, this part of your brain works overtime trying to figure out a new normal.

This higher workload leads directly to decision fatigue, which means that the quality of your choices drops after you make many choices in a row. When you are dealing with life changes, your brain makes thousands of micro-decisions every day just to adapt. So, by 2:00 PM, your mental energy could easily hit zero.

I have been told by numerous people that they feel lazy or weak when this happens. They will catch themself aimlessly scrolling on their phone or staring blankly at a wall. I will tell you what I tell them: You are not lazy. You are not breaking down. Your brain is simply draining your energy at a much faster rate. Every change forces your brain to stay on high alert, which means your brain's consumption of your energy can jump to as much as 40%.

Understanding this as the reality is the first step toward getting your clarity back. Just by realizing that what you are experiencing, your fog and fatigue, is a normal biological response to change, it helps you to stop fighting yourself. Now you can stop asking why you cannot function as you normally do. Instead, you can focus on protecting the energy you have left so you can make clear decisions again.

To protect your daily energy during a life shift, you need to look at your T.E.A. (time, energy, and attention). These three resources work together, so when a life transition happens, it creates a ripple effect across all three areas. You might find that your time gets eaten up by new tasks, your energy drops, and your attention gets scattered across ten different worries.

In energy coaching, we look at stress through two main types of energy: catabolic energy and anabolic energy. Catabolic energy is a draining, destructive force. Biologically, catabolic energy triggers your body to release stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. It is fueled by fear, worry, doubt, anger, and guilt. When you operate in catabolic energy, you react to your life instead of responding to it. You feel pushed around by circumstances. This is the exact energy that wakes you up at 3:00 AM with thoughts like, "What if I mess this up?" or "What if I stay stuck forever?"

Anabolic energy is a constructive, healing force. Biologically, anabolic energy releases chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine, which promote healing and calm. It is fueled by acceptance, peace, opportunity, and clear thinking. When you operate in anabolic energy, you respond to your life with calm choices. You have the mental space to look at a hard situation and ask, "What is my best next step?"

As we've already discussed, when life changes land on your doorstep, your brain defaults to a catabolic fight-or-flight energy. Your body prepares to fight the change or run away from it or both and this biological reaction burns through your T.E.A. at a rapid pace. You can spend all your energy resisting your new reality instead of building a path through it.

You might notice yourself spending hours worrying about outcomes you cannot control, which is a major drain of your T.E.A. Resisting change burns just as much energy as adapting to change, but it leaves you with zero results. Learning to identify where your T.E.A. goes each day can help you stop wasting your fuel on catabolic reactions. You can start saving your mental energy for the decisions that actually help you move forward.

When change disrupts your world, your natural instinct is to push back. You might find yourself wishing things were back the way they used to be. You might replay past decisions in your head, hoping to find a different result. This mental struggle is a natural, biological resistance, and it is one of the reasons life transitions feel so physically exhausting.

As I stated at the before, your brain craves predictability, routine, habits. When your life shifts, your brain views that unpredictability as a threat to your safety. To protect you, your mind ramps up its defense mechanisms. You start analyzing every possible risk. You overthink small details. You try to force outcomes before you even have all the facts.

This resistance cycle creates a heavy burden on your nervous system. Think of it like driving a car with the parking brake pulled all the way up. You can step on the gas pedal as hard as you want, but the car will struggle to move forward. The engine will overheat, and you will burn through gas at an alarming rate.

Operating in a constant state of resistance works the exact same way:

You spend physical energy keeping your body tense and on guard.
You spend mental energy running worst-case scenarios in your head.
You spend emotional energy wrestling with feelings of frustration and anger.

Accepting a life change does not mean you have to like what is happening. It also does not mean you give up or surrender your goals. Acceptance simply means acknowledging reality as it is right now. When you stop fighting the fact that things have changed, you release the parking brake. You immediately free up huge amounts of energy that were previously trapped in friction and resistance.

When you feel completely exhausted by life changes, standard self-care advice often falls short. People tend to tell you to drink more water, get extra sleep, or try forced positive thinking. While basic health habits matter, vague advice does not fix deep mental burnout. Telling yourself "I need to be less stressed" gives you no clear direction. You cannot fix an energy drain if you do not know where the drain is located.

Quantifiable data means using real measurements to assess where you are at instead of guessing. I'm a science girl, so this is how I prefer to work. In my energetic coaching, I use an attitudinal assessment created by the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching, the Energy Leadership Index, to measure how you react to stress. An attitudinal assessment is completely different from the standard personality assessments, which place you into fixed categories, because it measures how you view your world based on your current experiences and stress level.

Attitude is subjective, which means it can change based on how you feel (i.e. how you are energetically engaging and responding to life). Because your attitude is changeable, it can be adjusted simply from you seeing the data clearly.

However, an attitudinal assessment acts like an objective mirror, because it shows you two specific things:

Your normal baseline energy when life feels smooth.
Your exact stress reaction when life changes overwhelm you.

Seeing this data changes everything for so many of my clients, and they're not the only ones. Studies show that over 80% of people who measured their energetic baseline experience a real increase in daily energy and over 70% report a major improvement in their overall life satisfaction.

You no longer have to wonder why you feel paralyzed by choices. Instead of relying on vague statements like "I feel terrible today," you can look at clear facts. You can see that your catabolic stress response took over because your brain felt threatened by sudden change. Measurable data removes the shame and judgment from your struggle.

When you have hard data, you can build a practical plan to lower your stress and stop relying on guesswork or forced optimism. You get a clear picture of your mental state, which gives you the power to make real adjustments, and you can objectively measure where you are or are not making progress.

You do not need, and I do not recommend, you wait for your circumstances to settle down before you start protecting your energy. You can start observing your daily energy drains right now with simple daily awareness. Here are three practical steps you can use today to track your energy during life changes:

1. Spot Your Primary Energy Drains

For the next few days, pay close attention to the exact moments when your energy drops. You might notice your energy draining in three ways:

Friction: You spend energy getting angry at things you cannot control, like bad traffic or delayed timelines.
Ruminative: You replay old conversations over and over in your head, or you play out worst-case scenarios about the future.
Decision: You agonize over minor choices, like what shirt to wear or what email font to use, when your brain is already tired.

2. Identify Your Stress Triggers

Whenever something happens during your day, that is outside your normal routine, stop and notice your initial internal reaction. You do not need to judge yourself or fix it immediately. Just observe what your mind does.

Do you default to feeling helpless and stuck? Do you default to feeling angry and wanting to fight the situation? Or do you have a reaction other than these and what is it? Simply naming your reaction shifts brain activity away from your reactive emotional center and back to your logical prefrontal cortex.

3. Create a Simple Baseline Habit

Pick one small daily action that restores your sense of calm, no matter how chaotic your day gets. This should be a low-barrier habit that requires almost no effort. It could be sipping your morning coffee for five minutes without checking your phone, taking a short walk outside, or sitting quietly in your car before stepping into the house.

Protect this small moment every day.

It acts as your emergency power reserve when life feels heavy.

Getting your footing firmly planted again during life transitions requires clear intention, but it does not have to be a guessing game. By first understanding how your brain uses energy, you can stop fighting your biological stress reactions.

Then, you can start protecting your baseline energy, clearing your mental fog, and making decisions with calm confidence again. You have the inner strength to handle change, provided you plug your energy drains first.

If you want to stop guessing and get real data on how your stress reactions work, explore my 30-Day Energy Action Plan.

This diagnostic package is designed to show you exactly where your energy is going and how to get it back:

Energy Leadership Index (ELI) Assessment: Measure your baseline energy and see your specific stress responses on paper.
Video Learning Series: Receive a mini video series that teaches you how to read, interpret, and unpack your personal results document.
Personalized 30-Day Action Plan: Get practical steps to shift your responses from draining, catabolic energy to healing anabolic energy for 30 days and guided prompts to objectively monitor your progress.

You do not need to figure this all out in the dark. Having clear data gives you a practical map out of the mental mud so you can find your way again.

Claim Your 30-Day Energy Action Plan

Thank you for spending time with me today. If this sparked a thought, a question, or is something you've been sitting with, I’d love to keep the conversation going. Pull up your chair and leave a message (in the comments or by email).

And remember, you don't have to navigate these changes alone. You can find more science-backed strategies and soulful reflections at the Embracing Change Resource Center. Let’s find your calm in the chaos together.