How Do I Figure Out What’s Next?

A reader recently reached out to me with a question that I know so many of us have wrestled with at one point or another: "How do I figure out what’s next?" Now, in my experience, that question tends to end with a comma and not a question mark. Which would looking something like this: ",without making a huge mistake or burning myself out?"

I'm sure you know the scene: staring at your screen late at night, maybe you're doom scrolling, you might be researching options, or just agonizing over your next move because you're terrified of taking a wrong turn. Whatever your default "freeze" option is, you are most definitely not alone in it. When we face big crossroads, it is completely normal and oh so easy to feel paralyzed. But we are in this together, so I'm going to break down what's happening within you at these times and we'll work through some steps that can get you moving forward with confidence. Sound good? Let's calm your biological alarm system first.

When you face any uncertainty, any unknown, your brain naturally flags it as a threat. This triggers a catabolic energy state, which is a protective, fear-based response that locks you into survival mode. The trouble with that is, survival mode completely shuts down your creative problem-solving, which is pretty important in this type of situation. Where often tend to get off track is when we fool ourselves into thinking, "If I just research this one more time, I'll finally feel safe enough to decide." But your block isn't necessarily from a lack of information.

We cannot think our way out of a biological fear response.

We have to calm our nervous system first.

Your next best step here: Before you weigh another option, close your browser tabs and spend two full minutes taking deep, intentional breaths. Inhale deeply through your nose and exhaling slowly through your mouth. This simple physical reset signals to your brain that you are safe right now, which lowers those defensive walls so you can actually think clearly.

Once that immediate panic lowers its volume, we can start to look at what's driving your choices. If you don't know what your North Star is, every single path could look like a potential trap.

Navigating change safely requires constructive, forward-moving (anabolic) energy which is usually rooted in who you genuinely are. Where I see so many people accidentally burn out during life's transitions is by making decisions based on what they think they should do or trying to copy someone else's playbook in an effort to guarantee a safe outcome. But ignoring your own core values to play it safe is a fast route straight back into exhaustion, because your values bring with them the motivation, inspiration, and aspiration to meet your goals.

Your next best step here: Let's do a quick "Should vs. Want" Check.

Grab a notepad and write down the options you’re weighing right now.
Next to each, ask yourself honestly: Am I considering this because I feel like I should (out of fear or external pressure), or because I genuinely want to?
Cross out the "shoulds" and focus your energy on what remains.
(Note: These are not current responsibilities. That's a different discussion. These are options you are considering for what to do next.)

Once, you've done that, our final check is to look at where you're pointing your attention. You simply cannot build a fulfilling future if you’re focusing your attention on what was or not ruining what currently is.

When we’re terrified of making a mistake, our vision narrows down to one thing: avoiding the worst-case scenario. When all of our attention is here, we are focused on the panic. It's like being a horse with blinders but working in the opposite direction. A horse is adorned with blinders so that they can't see beyond the path in front of them so they don't get spooked. When we focus on the panic, the blinders block what's around us, but our focus remains on the fear.

We burnout here, because we're focusing our energy on our fear while spending energy on activities that we're not really paying attention to. To avoid this and find true alignment, you have to actively shift your attention away from what you're avoiding to what you actually want to move toward.

Your next best step here: Take five minutes right now to journal on this prompt: If I knew I could not fail, and everything worked out perfectly, what would my ideal next step actually look like?

Making a life decision, even if it's a major one, doesn't have to feel like you're defusing a bomb. But hey, you feel how you feel, right? So, it might feel scary still. Pull into your mind a scene from a movie with a bomb squad in it.

It’s simply about pausing the panic (Take deep breaths. Be calm. Steady your hands).
Stripping away external expectations (Open the casing that holds the wires so you can see what you're working with).
Choosing the path that rings true to who you are today (snip the wire that you instinctual know is right).

I hope this helps you too if this is where you're stuck in change. And if you have other questions you'd like to ask, let this reassure you that I do read each out, so please reach out.

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We'll talk again soon,

Casey

Thank you for spending time with me today. If this sparked a thought, a question, or is something you've been sitting with, I’d love to keep the conversation going. Pull up your chair and leave a message (in the comments or by email).

And remember, you don't have to navigate these changes alone. You can find more science-backed strategies and soulful reflections at the Embracing Change Resource Center. Let’s find your calm in the chaos together.